My name is Katie Burke and I am Socially Awkward!

I'm really awkward. The sad thing is people have actually made a point to make sure I know this. And frankly I don't mind at all as long as I know you. If we've only said a few words to one another, I don't appreciate you pointing it out. I was once at the movies and the guy I was buying popcorn from told me this. The really sad thing is that it wasn't just once. Yes, my beloved readers, I have been told by two separate popcorn guys on two different occasions that I am a very awkward person. On the other hand I once actually created a line at Hot Topic because the cashier and I were having a conversation about how awesome the Harry Potter shirt I was buying was. And on four awesome occasions the cashiers at bookmans gave me 20% because of what I was buying (okay once it was because I had pink hair.) Anyway I just want to make a point of saying, that it is these people who define the world. And it is these people who will actually make a difference and an impact on humanity. Little by little they are saving awkward people from me becoming Hermits. And maybe, eventually with enough of their help, I will develop enough euphoria and a high enough self-esteem to actually do a vlog post. So, to those nerds in the world who are helping me to not stay at home watching Farscape reruns all day, I propose a toast. And to those douches who insist on calling me socially awkward, well you guys can suck it.

Counting Shoulders. And Other Things That Make Dating Awkward.

One time, during a rousing game of apples to apples, my friend Arri got the adjective awkward. Less than a second after hearing the adjective, I quickly put down the word dating. I was sure I had this round in my pocket, but it became apparent that other people do not have as negative looks on dating as I do, when he instead chose family reunions. I have now decided to try and convince the world (or at least the six people who read this blog) that dating is the epitome of awkward. I'm all for feminism and all, but I will never ask someone out. I mean, I totally respect people with the courage to stand up and confess there love on a whim of romantic grace, but I have a rule that you can only do it under three circumstances. Number one: anything involving something similar to the bang bang kiss kiss theory (see bang bang kiss kiss, but not for long because it will end in a major letdown). Number two: if you are 99.2% sure the person likes you back, then it's okay, but anything less and you are risking too much humiliation and awkwardness. Number three: If you are in a situation where if the person does say no, it won't make things any more awkward (this never happens!). Another awkward thing about dating is if said person does say yes, what do you then proceed to do, and when is it appropriate to make it facebook official? I am very confused by the whole facebook thing. Someone once told me that "it's not official until it's facebook official" but what does official even mean? Can I be in a facebook official relationship with my dog? And what if one person thinks it's official, but the other one doesn't. That would be awkward. Also, it's almost as if you're flaunting it in other peoples faces. Oh you're engaged? See if I care I'm not going to your wedding. I'm so confused! My head hurts. My personal favorite awkward thing about dating is the move. Yes, you know the classic one where someone pretends to be tired and slowly yawns there way into putting there arm around the other person. With help from my sister, and my friend Sophie, we have come up with our own variations on the move. First of all, you can make it really nerdy by saying, "My ATP levels are deficient." Or you could go for one we like to call The Marty McFly, which can be obtained in just two simple steps! Step one: look surprised by something over by where your date is sitting. Step two: Simultaneously say, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" and point. And there you have it you're arm ends up right where it should be. My personal favorite is called the, "Let's count shoulders!" It's very straight forward, all you have to do is touch each shoulder while you're counting it, and would you look at that? You end up as close as you've always dreamed! A family favorite is the rainbow. All you have to do to achieve this seemingly effortless move is to move your arm in an arch till it reaches the goal, while saying, "Look! I'm a RAINBOW!" The aftermath of dating of course is probably the worst part. I mean you hopefully like this person enough to still be friends afterward, but either way it's immensely awkward. Maybe I only think dating is awkward because i'm socially inept. That's usually the answer to why I do and think a lot of things. I still can't help feeling very much like Charlie Mcdonnel in his "Understanding Teenage Girls" vlogpost. I just don't understand dating! It confuses me! Anyway, if you come up with you're own rendition of the move, you could win a secret prize! (OMG!!!! I HOPE IT'S A PONY!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Love & Onions (Blog Post For Alina).

Love is like an onion.
It has many layers that you slowly begin to unravel,
as you get to know someone
but once you find the middle,
all there is left are tears and the kitchen floor.
Love seems complex, love seems layered
not twisted, like it has a center filled with euphoria,
but it's empty; layers upon layers
concealing the nothing it really is.
Love is crunchy, bitter and hard to swallow.
Love needs to be cooked right.
You can't let it sit, waiting for someone else's turn
or else it will spoil, the moment and flavor lost forever.
Love is like an onion,
we wish it were something better.

27 Ways in Which I'm Nerdier then Charlie McDonnel.

If you're a charlieissocoollike fan, you've probably seen his new video about how nerdy he is. I would like to protest that I am in fact much nerdier than Charlie McDonnel, for the following reasons:
1. I'm so socially awkward that I can't even vlog. It's too embarrassing. When I'm blogging, no one can see me! Cause I'm attractively deprived. Also, I could be wearing my sister's Lady Gaga Halloween costume and you wouldn't know.
2. I have way more nerdy t shirts then he does. He had like 5, I have at least 15. I'm serious, all I wear are Jeans, converse, and nerdy T-shirts.
3. I own every season of BtVS, Angel, Smallville, and Doctor Who (the new series). And quote them all regularly.
4. Due to number 3 people often give me looks that express complete and utter "WTF?"
5. I have written a fanfic. You will never get to read it. EVER.
6. I sing in public, as if life is a musical. I'm the person who people try to avoid on the bus.
7. I often randomly burst into laughter when I think about something funny.
8. I have 13 the musical on my ipod ( or is that more dorky?)
9. My sister and I regularly have debates over weather David Tennant or Matt Smith is cooler.
10. I listen to random british pop music, that I have literally killed a party with.
11. My blog is called finding Serenity In Constant Euphemisms (If that's not nerdy, I don't know what is)
12. I attend Can't Stop the Serenity every year. And I dress up.
13. My friend and I once randomly decided to dress up as Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer.
14. I have already purchased my XD tickets for Harry Potter on opening night.
15. I'm going as Chloe Sullivan for Halloween this year.
16. I have star wars pancake molds.
17. I have both AVPM and AVPS on my ipod.
18. I have a ridiculous attachment to Michael Cera. I'm going to marry him someday! Despite what Susie says!
19. I'm in AP Calculus. Not to mention I'm on my school's Academic Decathlon Team.
20. I once pulled an all-nighter watching the entire first season of Torchwood.
21. My ipod case has Darth Vader on it and my phone background is from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.
22. I have a drawer in my room that has the sole purpose of storing comics, which all have protective coverings.
23. The people at Bookmans have given me discounts for being awesome.
24. Unlike Charlie McDonnel, I am not famous. I do this for fun.
25. I've died my hair pink.
26. I have this reoccurring dream where I'm married to Joss Whedon and I ruin dinner.
27. I am actually making a list of the ways I am nerdier than Charlie McDonnel.

Closing Time and Getting Shived.

After a week filled with very drama related things, I have realized how much I completely adore almost anything and anyone involved in theater. I love the dressing room on opening night, where everyone is too engaged in their frantic search for that missing earring to care what you look like with your shirt off. I love the swapped secrets and dressing room talk during dress rehearsal. I love screaming I'M FIRED UP! ARE YOU FIRED UP? during warmups. I love the moment before you enter, while you're waiting backstage where the world seems to slow down, and you know for a second that no matter what it's going to be awesome. I love the feeling that I'm a part of something awesome. I love that everything comes together and a group of very different people can create something amazing. I love the people. I love how understanding, and not judgmental everyone is. I know it's cheese, but i love the saying there are no small parts, only small actors. If you want it to work right in the end, you're a family and every part is vitally important to the show. I love how crazy excited everyone gets. I love closing time and getting shived.

Everybody Loves Ke$ha.

Is it weird that I kind of love Ke$ha? That was a rhetorical question. In my defense, her songs are really catchy. Sure she uses auto tune, but it's for effect and she obviously has to be a good singer. I mean anyone who was a background singer for Britney Spears has to be a good singer. And did you know she got a 1500 on the SAT, and has an IQ of over 140? And at least she writes all her own music. Plus, anyone who's trying to make blue lips a thing deserves some serious admiration. I feel so good now that I've finally come clean. My name is Katie, and I think Ke$ha is really cool! I feel so much better now. Don't even get me started on how awesome Lady Gaga is.

Top 5 Ways to "Cuss" on Television.

5. In the most recent episode 30 Rock a construction worker cusses at Liz, but a Jackhammer goes off every time something bad is said. It's a little cartoonish, but I still laughed.

4. Ted, in How I Met Your Mother, calls Lily a "grinch". Of course Lily gets mad and steals all the Christmas decorations making it all very appropriate.

3. If you're going for something a little more sophisticated, as apposed to slapstick, you could try inventing your own cuss word. Now, I think this is a great idea, but wouldn't it be cooler if they went for something a little less similar then Frak? I think people in the future will prefer something more like, "Oh, Sliitushpatob!"

2. If you have a great cast that's willing to memorize foreign words you could always try cussing in a different language. Firefly does this brilliantly. It somehow just slides into the whole cowboys in space theme without much questioning.

1. And the number one way to get away with cussing on television is...
killing the character off before they finish talking. Joss Whedon, who is the master at this (he also did Firefly), sends Willows vampire doppelganger, back to the alternate universe only to be killed off within seconds, leaving her last word and a half "Oh Fu", because she's staked by Oz before she can finish. I guess that would be the big problem with "Oh Sliitushpatob", you wouldn't get very far.